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Dear Abby: Marriage recovers from affair, but wife can’t forgive herself

Abigail Van Buren • Updated Sep 29, 2017 at 8:00 PM

DEAR ABBY: About 12 years ago, I made a terrible mistake and had an affair. My husband loved me enough to forgive me, and our marriage has been fine ever since. 

The problem is, I can’t forgive myself. I hate myself! I could have lost everything, including our two kids. I think of all the time I wasted when I could have shared that time with them, and I beat myself up daily over this. 

I have been depressed for so long. How do I get over this? I’m on meds, but it’s deeper than that. I feel I have a seat waiting in hell because of it. So – no chance for heaven – what’s the point in trying to be happy? 

I can’t afford counseling, and I don’t have a priest to talk to. Is there some kind of counseling group online I could join? – MISERABLE IN COLORADO

DEAR MISERABLE: It appears that, not satisfied with waiting for hell in the hereafter, you have managed to create one for yourself right here on Earth. As far as I know, there’s no “Jezebels Anonymous” support group. 

It would be appropriate to find a priest who could give you absolution. However, because there isn’t one and it appears you’re having a crisis of the soul, confide in a member of the clergy of another faith, if there’s one nearby. Trust me, it won’t be the first time he or she has heard a story like yours, and it may bring you comfort.

DEAR ABBY: What should I have told my heartbroken 6-year-old daughter when all the other girls (four) on our block were invited to a birthday party except her? – MINNESOTA MOM

DEAR MOM: If she were my daughter, I would have told her that we were going to do something special that day – just the two of us – and then I would have made it happen.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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