I write this week to enlighten all of you misinformed people of the tragic goings-on of the 2013 MTV Video Music Awards that took place Sunday night.
With that being said I only have three words: holy Hannah Montana.
Of course I say that for dramatic effect, I could never actually let Miley Cyrus off the hook that easily.
Again, for the second week in the row, I tell the catastrophic tale of a former child star going off their rocker. First Lindsay Lohan, now Miley, perhaps Amanda Bynes is next… but I digress.
For me, the beginning of the end for Miley was the haircut. No offense to you bob-lovers or pixie-cutters out there, but to me, this was Miley reaching out aimlessly trying to “find herself.”
Girlfriend, we all loved “Party in the U.S.A.,” why the complete change of character?
So Sunday, in what only could be described as a feverish cry for help, Miley took to the stage and “twerked,” thrusted and sang slash screamed her way through her new (and surprisingly good) single “We Can’t Stop.”
Oh yeah, and she stuck her tongue out… a lot. I can almost swear the shorter her hair gets the longer her tongue gets.
I wish I could begin to explain the setting or theme for the performance, but I truly think it would only confuse and bewilder those trying to picture the once Disney star.
I will say this: if you can remotely work YouTube and aren’t afraid of giant teddy bears and risqué dance moves, go take a look at the fiasco that unfolded Sunday night.
Take that last statement how you will.
Now, if you’re looking to me for answers to Miley’s sudden erratic behavior or to even try and define her new persona, again, I’m at a loss for words.
Did I mention half way through her performance she stripped down out of her already-revealing teddy bear leotard to a flesh colored bikini.
Obviously this was after Lady Gaga had already stripped down to a shell bikini in her opening performance. Gaga always beats everyone to the punch. But I’ll save her for a rainy day.
I’m sorry, but what happened to the days when the most scandalous thing happening at the VMAs was when Britney Spears dared to wear a midriff top?
Call it artistic; call Miley a visionary. I call her performance and transformation scary and flabbergasting.
And, sidenote, speaking of transformations and B. Spears, NSYNC reunited at the VMAs for a grand total of 30 seconds and about 30 pounds per person heavier.
So, the roller coaster of emotions I went through while watching the VMAs was, for lack of a better word, traumatizing.
But, I guess things could have been worse. At least Justin Beiber wasn’t there.
Caitlin Rickard is a staff writer at The Democrat. Email her at firstname.lastname@example.org or follow her on Twitter @wilsonnewswritr.