Linda Alessi: Old woman? In a shoe? With lots of children?

Linda Alessi • Updated Oct 6, 2018 at 4:00 PM

There once was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children she did not know what to do.

Every day was a challenge for the poor old woman. The shoe was filled to capacity. Children could be seen in every inch of this giant shoe. Bunk beds stood three high with children. High chairs were doubled to accommodate the little ones.

It became more difficult with each day that went by. The trip to the market for food called for a full day of choosing inexpensive items to feed and nourish her brood.  Ten shopping carts were needed to haul the supplies. Needless to say, the expense was unbearable. She was running out of hand-me-down clothes, and what was left was becoming threadbare. It should be noted here her husband was nowhere in sight. He had taken off after the birth of the last child.

What to do? What to do? Well, first she decided to drive the older residents to the nearest Army recruiting station. Surely our government would want these eligible young people to train and send to many parts of the world and fortify our reserve strength in our country. The others could be volunteered for duty helping unfortunate people who did not even have a shoe in which to live. They could join the Peace Corps or other agencies.

She was still formulating a plan for the young ones. Some were still not weaned from her breast. She thought she could put out a few for adoption, others just put out on the front lawn, and people could just pick one or two of the litter. Well, maybe this was the plan for these children, and she would be free from it all.

There could be heard a large explosion around the shoe, and the laces popped right out. “Oh my,” said the old woman as she struggled to get out of her chair. I must have been dreaming. She looked over at her two sweet children who were napping nearby, and she realized she was safe in her lovely ranch home. Thank God her husband would be home from golfing soon, and they would enjoy their cocktail hour before dinner.

Linda Alessi is a weekly columnist for The Lebanon Democrat.

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