Greener grass

As much as I poke fun at her for becoming so “granola,” deep down I know that she’s probably on to something. So, in an attempt to become healthier and 23 again, I decided it was time to visit the health food market just down the road from her new home.

Convincing my husband to battle traffic, just a little longer, so I could grocery shop somewhere other than the Lebanon Kroger took some serious effort. He went but silently protested by waiting in the car.

And in case you are wondering, yes, all the cool people do hang out in these health food markets. And they all look like our daughter, young and thin, sporting the latest athleisure wear, while carrying a personal shopping bag. See, the cool kids don’t do plastic or paper. Instead, they carry reusable shopping bags made of yours and my recycled garbage. It’s so cool.

With cart in hand, I started to strut the catwalk with them.

Aisle after aisle, I was in awe of all the healthy offerings — artisan breads, fresh-cut flowers, sushi, seaweed, oat milk, make-it-yourself granola bars, salad bars, juice bars … it was my daughter’s pantry on steroids.

After filling my cart with pomegranate seeds, organic kale, chia seeds and a bag of coconut-infused granola, I got down to business.

I needed the basics — for you know who, waiting in the car — Velveeta, Ro-Tel, tortilla chips, Cokes, mac and cheese, and Toll House Cookies. After circling and circling and circling, I finally figured out the cool must hide the basics.

Don’t get me wrong, instead of tortilla chips, there were sweet potato veggie chips, and instead of Cokes, there was an aisle full of all-natural sodas. But, I figured, there had to be at least one aisle where all the bad, but oh so good, stuff was kept.

Giving it one more shot, I broke down and finally asked someone, and I kid you not, they don’t carry any of these products, not even one of them.

On the way home, right when we hit Lebanon, I confessed to my husband that we needed to stop again or else he’d be eating plantain chips and mango salsa while watching his game. He pulled into Al’s Foodland, and I was quickly greeted by friendly faces, frozen pizzas and artificially-flavored everything … and a mountain of plastic bags. It was heaven.

While “all natural” may be the rage, take it from me, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the tracks. In fact, it’s not green at all.

And do you know why? It’s because they don’t use any chemicals or artificial products.

Telling Tales is written by Wilson County’s Angel Kane and Becky Andrews.