So we’ve all heard about Man Flu.
It’s when the men in your life get sick with a regular, old cold and proceed to die right in front of you ... while you callously watch.
For the last week, the two men that I live with — my husband and son — have been sick and I’ve had to put up with them. My tone here may seem a little harsh but for the backstory ... they both got themselves flu shots months ago. They actually went together. Almost like a father-son outing. In fact, it was an outing. They had lunch, got flu shots, left me out of the loop.
I didn’t even know about it until weeks later. And by then, it was too late for me to get a shot myself.
And now they are sick and I am not.
At first I was very kind to them. Trying to let the backstory go.
THEM: “I think I have the coronavirus. I’m dying! I’m not kidding I know this person who knows this person that six months ago went to China.”
ME: “Are you insane? You don’t catch coronavirus that way and it’s been ages since I cooked bat for dinner, so if you tell me one more time it’s coronavirus I’m going to scream.”
But being the kind soul that I am, I stopped at the drugstore to pick up some medicine.
THEM: “You got regular strength? Do you want me to die? I need Super Super Super Strength and I need all different kinds — liquid, capsule, vapor. This is serious!! Why are you not taking this seriously!!? If I had the strength myself, I’d drive there to get it but all I can do is sit here on the sofa and watch ‘Yellowstone.’ ”
ME: “I’m not going back out, it’s raining.”
Then the incessant pleading begins.
THEM: “Mom, feel my forehead. Am I hot? I’m burning up. Everyone at school is sick. I definitely can’t go to school tomorrow. What’s vertigo. I definitely have that. And pleurisy. I’ve about to get that. I can feel it.”
ME: “Have you seen my earbuds?”
You try to continue to care for them because ... in sickness and in health, right?
THEM: “I’m not hungry. Really. I’ve lost my appetite. But can you go to Wendy’s and get me a No. 2 with large fries and a large drink, too. And make sure they fill the drink all the way to the top because last time I got a Coke there they didn’t fill it all the way up. And no mayonnaise. I hate mayonnaise. I’ll throw up if I even see it.”
ME: “No it’s raining. In fact, it’s flooding. So no, I’m not going all the way back to town to get you a Coke filled to the top. And just for the record, everything I make I put mayonnaise in and you always eat it. So you don’t hate mayonnaise!”
Arguably, maybe I haven’t been Nurse Nightingale.
But let’s be clear, they don’t have the flu because as I mentioned in the backstory, they both got a flu shot! Without me!
Didn’t even think I may want one.
Didn’t cross their minds, that maybe we should all go together.
That maybe I’d want lunch and a flu shot with them.
So here we are, on Day 5 now of this common cold, and I’m finally seeing the light of day.
ME: “So explain this to me again. You thought, hmmm, the flu kills people, so it’s important that my son and I go get flu shots together, but it never crossed your mind that I might need one, too?”
THEM: “Oh, I get it now. This is why you flipped out about the mayonnaise.”
Telling Tales is written by Wilson County moms Angel Kane and Becky Andrews. This column is Angel’s.