Man down

That’s never a good sign. I figured that he was either divorcing me, or one of our kids had been arrested.

No, he said, it was much worse ... he’d hurt his right arm.

We’ve been married going on almost 30 years, and surprisingly, neither of us have broken, sprained or twisted anything in those three decades.

Given he wasn’t openly weeping or writhing in pain, I told him to shake it off, that he would be fine.

Four days later, I was driving him to the surgery center at 5:30 a.m. to reattach his bicep tendon. Apparently, that popping sound he’d heard when he lifted the garage door (and had told me about repeatedly that morning in my office) was the tendon snapping from his elbow. Therefore, my telling him to “shake it off” would now be remembered as my first sin.

And since that fateful day, there have been many, many more.

Sin two was right after surgery when the nurse informed me he had to wear a sling for six weeks and was to do absolutely nothing with his right arm. My shouting out — “Are you kidding me,” followed by an expletive — was considered highly inappropriate by my husband, and I’m guessing the nurse didn’t care for it either by the way she looked pitifully at my ailing husband.

Sin three was raising my voice every time his shoelaces come untied and I have to tie them … again. Why a grown man wears so many shoes with laces is beyond me.

Sin four was muttering under my breath whenever I have to cut his steak, butter his bread or pour his cereal. The fact that he continues to eat solid foods, honestly, infuriates me.

Sin five was becoming extremely agitated by the fact I’m the only one that can now haul hay, feed the farm animals or take out the garbage. My first foray at the local dump shall forever be remembered by both he and I and all the people lined up behind us. Thankfully, no videos have surfaced just yet.

Sin six was threatening to slaughter his chickens if he tells me one more time that I’m not taking care of them like he does. I don’t even like eggs, and, I’m pretty sure, neither does he.

And the list of my sins goes on and on.

To say that his injury has brought us closer would be a flat-out lie. In fact, had this happened earlier in our marriage, I’m sure my husband would have left me for a more caring, sympathetic wife.

Thankfully, he has stayed healthy the majority of our marriage, and now, 30 years later, he understands why it’s going to be so important for him to stay healthy going into his twilight years.

I recently read that falls are the leading cause of injury-related death amount adults 65 and older.

Actually, that was sin seven ... I read that out loud to him, he says, “in an angry, menacing way.”