So, here’s the deal, to quote Joe Biden at the recent Zoom kindergarten masquerading as a “presidential” debate.

A month before the Most Important Election of Our Lifetime (that is a trademarked phrase from punditry), we are left with far too many questions.

How did Donald Trump get away with deducting $70,000 in hair care costs on his tax return? Did Ivanka Trump really use a makeup artist and cosmetics that cost $95,000? Just to make us feel much better about our bereft lives, could we also learn about the cost of her clothes?

Oh yes, and what is Trump’s plan to 1) end COVID-19 deaths; 2) restore the economy; 3) patch up diplomatic alliances; 4) deal with lawlessness among some police officers; 5) end the bitter divisiveness in our country; 6) overhaul unjust tax laws; 7) deal with climate change; 8) restore civility to politics; 9) make democracy real again; 10) preserve the rule of law; 11) get through this election cycle with dignity.

In short, he has yet to make a case for why anybody would reelect him.

Just to be clear, the cringe-worthy Trump did not learn everything he needs to know in kindergarten, as the book by that title suggests most people do.

We also want to know more details of Biden’s plans on tax reform, climate change, health care overhaul, racial justice and bringing Americans together.

Since Biden already has insisted he will do more debates, or whatever the term is that describes the encounters he and Trump are engaging in, there should be some changes.

The moderator should be able to turn off a microphone or have a button that administers an electric shock (nothing lethal) to the candidate who engages in repeated interruptions of either the opponent or the moderator.

The candidates will also get a jolt if they engage in unnecessary mocking or use less casual address than Mr. President or Mr. Vice President.

Likewise, shocks will be admitted for calling an opponent the equivalent of such words as stupid, slimey, cretinous, sleepy, drug-addled, etc.

Perhaps there should be commercials during the 90 minutes to give the combatants time to cool off, go to their corners and get their fevered brows wiped.

Any mention of offspring of either man will result in two more minutes going to the opponent.

A contestant who does not condemn white supremacy or urges Neo-Nazis to “stand by” has to leave the stage for five minutes.

Either man who tells an outright lie, as determined by a panel of past moderators who weren’t permitted to call out a prevarication when they heard one, will get a water balloon dropped on his head. The man who is most soaked at the end loses.

Parents definitely should not let children under the age of 14 or maybe 16 watch these faceoffs. If they do, they should not get health insurance reimbursement for the cost of any resulting necessary behavioral therapy.

Participants should be ruled ineligible if they decline to release their tax returns. We now know Trump paid zero dollars in federal taxes for 10 years and $750 each for the year he was elected and his first year in office. Trump has made $1.9 billion while in office, but we don’t know if he paid any taxes. Last year Biden paid $300,000 in federal taxes. Trump has boasted that he is “smart” to have paid less taxes than most teachers, nurses or construction workers. Trump was not asked how he is going to pay about $400 million in loans he has coming due in the next four years.

The most important question for millions of Americans is what will happen if Trump succeeds in overturning the Affordable Care Act, which ensures millions get health care, covers preexisting health conditions and keeps children on parental insurance until they turn 26. Trump has no feasible plan to replace the ACA.

We face three more debates. One is Oct. 7 between Mike Pence and Kamala Harris in Salt Lake City, and we doubt it will be the debacle that the Countdown in Cleveland was. Biden and Trump meet at 9 p.m. ET Oct. 15 at Adrienne Arsht Center in Miami and again Oct. 22 at Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee.

Take heart. None is a sit-down dinner format, so no food will be thrown. And no actual physical blows have been exchanged. Yet.

Ann McFeatters is an op-ed columnist for Tribune News Service.

Ann McFeatters is an op-ed columnist for Tribune News Service.

Ann McFeatters is an op-ed columnist for Tribune News Service.

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