Dear Abby: We are expecting our first child after many years of struggling with infertility. We are overjoyed, to say the least.

I have a wonderful parent who used to be my father but who now identifies as a woman I'll call "Grace." She's a supportive, loving, wonderful parent, and always was.

The problem is, the rest of the family has yet to see her transition. They are aware of what has happened, but are not comfortable with it. One family member keeps insisting that Grace is not transgender, just "confused." She says that if she ever saw Grace dressed as a woman, she would laugh.

When it comes to a celebration for our bundle of joy, how do I handle this? I can't imagine having the celebration without Grace, and I wouldn't dream of asking her to dress as a male because I know how uncomfortable she would be. But I'm afraid if she attends, none of the other family will come because they are so uncomfortable. -- Transparent in Nevada

Dear Transparent: Grace is not "confused." People do not change their gender identity on a lark. The transition is time-consuming and difficult. Grace deserves to be treated with compassion and common courtesy. Make this clear to your family members. If you feel that one or more of them would be so rude as to ridicule your parent, strike them from your guest list.

Dear Abby: There is conflict between two of my four adult children. They no longer speak to one another over some silly, childish issues. Should I, as the parent, interfere and try to resolve these issues? -- Peacemaker in Philadelphia

Dear Peacemaker: Resist the urge to "interfere." Your desire to patch things up is understandable, but because your children are adults, it should be up to them to resolve their differences without your intervention.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 to: Dear Abby, Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

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