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Telling Tales: I am hitting Control-ALT-Delete...

Becky Andrews and Angel Kane • Updated Sep 10, 2017 at 12:00 PM

There were seven beeps, then nothing. When I tried rebooting, the same seven beeps and blank screen. That’s how a device that weighs less than a newborn, has no conscience or sense of urgency turned my life completely upside down for seven full days. 

When I took my tech baby to the doctor, I got the standard battery of questions. If there’s anything that will make you feel more inept as a human being it’s being questioned by an IT specialist, programmer, system administrator or any other computer person title you can think of that means, “You are a complete moron and a disgrace to Silicon Valley.”

By the grace of Steve Jobs I found a guy who is cool with me not worshipping at the altar of Apple to fix my super inefficient Windows-operating laptop without using inside words like “PITA” to describe me. Look it up.

Here’s how the conversation went:

“Did you notice your processor overheating?”

“What’s a processor?”

“It’s the brain of your computer… the memory, everything. When it overheats for an extended amount of time, it will completely shut down and take everything with it.”

He acted like it was no big deal, so I really didn’t think there was a reason to worry. I felt super smart. We were getting each other. For a moment, I felt technically superior, even thinking that I may adopt all hoodie-flip flop wardrobe and listening to continuous loop of dub step. But then, he continued.

“Since everybody backs up these days, it’s not that big of a deal to lose your information.”

“Right. Wait, what? What do you mean? I’ve lost everything on my computer?”

“Probably, but as long as you saved it on your external hard drive, don’t worry about it.”

“My what? Is that another name for a thumb drive?”

He looked over the top of his reading glasses as if he was trying to decide if I was joking or a complete moron. That’s when he realized that, yes, I am a complete moron and not really that funny. In fact, it was just a few months ago I learned that Google is considered a verb. 

This is probably where his story and my story will differ.

He might say I got emotional and tried talking him out of giving up so easy. He might even say that I blamed this whole fiasco on my children, my husband, the Harlem Shake or the fact that I was a Jehovah’s Witness as a child. 

I would like to say this is not how it happened. But, because this person recovered all of that very valuable information, I’m not going to call him a liar. I’m not even going to blame it on PMS. I will just say this, “I may be an idiot. I may not know the difference between MB and RAM. I may have outdated software, still use Internet Explorer and prefer Facebook to Twitter.” 

However, I do know the computer I just ordered is already obsolete, techie people are 21st century mechanics spouting off a dialect mere mortals can’t understand, and the next time someone asks about backing up, I’ll know they are not talking about a person’s driving abilities.  

Comments? You can email Becky Andrews at [email protected] Andrews and Angel Kane are the brains behind Telling Tales, a weekly column in The Democrat.

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