Me: Umm, so I think I’ve messed something up.

Husband: What does that mean?

But first, let me paint the picture.

It’s about 9:30 at night, both of us are reading.

I’ve got my glasses on. He has his glasses on.

I’m guessing he was reading about politics, COVID or about his goats. I was reading about the newest supplement I purchased off Amazon and it’s health benefits.

Yes, We are officially old people now.

It was a Tuesday. We both had work the next day. It was almost past our bedtime. And clearly nobody wanted to have to get dressed and head to the E.R. at that time of night.

Me: So, I bought this liquid iodine off the internet and I think I got the dosage wrong. And I’ve taken it twice now.

Husband: Why do you keep taking stuff like that! How did you get the dosage wrong?

Me: And then tonight, when I was making Neill’s protein shake, I added some iodine in there too.

Husband: Why do you add things to his shake without telling him!

Me: And so I’m supposed to take 150 mcg but I just realized that that translates to a few drops and I’ve been taking a teaspoon which equates to 4,928,92 mcg! I think I’ve poisoned us!!

We both start reading feverishly about iodine poisoning.

Husband: This says you could stop breathing and go into a coma! Where is Neill?

We rush to find our boy watching television.

Son: What? He says, looking at us, looking at him.

Me: So I put another supplement in your shake tonight. Are you feeling OK?

Son: What did you put in there? Why do you keep putting things in there? I’m not your guinea pig.

We explain how his mother may have inadvertently poisoned him, when she so lovingly made him his protein shake.

Son: You know if you did this to someone you were not related to, this would be a crime!

Husband: If she kills you, it’s still a crime!

Me: Unintentionally! No one is going to convict me of killing him when I was just trying to make him healthier. Geez!

Son: What? Am I going to die?? How much did you give me???

Three hours later, one emergency call to a friend in healthcare, followed with drinking lots of water, we decided to finally go to bed.

Me: Set your alarm and check on us throughout the night to make sure we don’t go into a coma.

Husband: I’ve got a big day tomorrow!

Me: Are you kidding me?

Husband: Fine, but if you live I’m taking away your Amazon privileges!

Telling Tales is written by Wilson County’s Angel Kane and Becky Andrews. This column is Angel’s.

Telling Tales is written by Wilson County's Angel Kane and Becky Andrews. This column is Angel's.

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