I feel like I’m (prematurely?) reaching the age where I can dictate exactly what’s going on in my life by the physical ailments I’m currently suffering from. The past few days have been pretty action-packed for me, and I have the battle scars to prove it. My immobility and relentless pain from shoulders up and an angry hip are like my stamped passport of home improvements.
My stiff and painful neck was surely the result of a car accident, or falling off a ladder, or maybe something fun and adventurous with my kids like ice skating or climbing trees or skiing, right?! Close. I got a new pillow. Seriously. I was nearly incapacitated for a day and a half because I got a new pillow. Life, you are cruel and unfair at times.
I also spent the weekend sitting on the bathroom floor “criss cross applesauce,” as the politically-correct kiddies call it these days, painting my cabinets, and now my hip feels like it’s been pried away from its socket with a butter knife. So, let’s recap: I sat on the floor and got a new pillow, and now I’m nearly dead.
Part of me thinks I need to work the muscles a bit more, perhaps a yoga class is in order, but then I think if my body can’t handle a new pillow surely a yoga class would end with me in full-body traction and zero will to live. I can’t do that to my children. Maybe just swimming or relaxing in a nice hot tub with a book and a glass of wine. On the other hand, if I did the yoga, I’d finally have a legitimate use for all those yoga pants. Hmm.
While we’re talking about this, can we please start a movement to formally change the name of yoga pants to just pants? I guarantee you far more of us are wearing these as just pants than to do actual yoga. And furthermore, “pants” have such a negative association with buttons and zippers and that’s just unnecessary. Categorizing the comfy yoga pants in the “pants” category will do away with that nonsense. I want to wear the comfy pants without the expectation of yoga, okay?!
On a related note, I can also tell you exactly what time of year it is and the weather forecast based on my sinus activities. Let’s say one day the world ends and you’re left with no way to know up from down or left from right…well, I’ll be the one telling you it’s October and it’s about to rain because my head feels like it’s being squeezed in a vice. December can be a little tricky but the sore throat always gives it away, and come March it’s much more like a leaky faucet being whacked with a hammer in one specific spot near my forehead, which fortunately I can barely feel right night due to my throbbing neck.