I don’t like to brag, but my grocery lists are impressive. One of the very few things I do in an organized manner, probably because I loathe the entire experience and anything I can do to get out of it faster is going to be happening.
I usually try to do some kind of meal plan for the week, and then I do the list for everything I need for all those meals, plus whatever else we’re out of at the moment, which is usually everything. My list is organized by sections for produce, dry ingredients, meat, etc., and if that weren’t completely OCD enough, I even try to write it logistically in order.
See, when I don’t have these lists and I go to the store armed with nothing but a cart and my appetite, mistakes will be made, usually in the form of eight different varieties of chips, a cookie buffet, and all the ingredients to make spaghetti except for all the ingredients to make spaghetti.
But back to the list. It starts off mind-blowingly, out-of-character-for-me prepared. And then it all goes downhill from there in this timeline of my demise as a wife and mom.
9 a.m.- the kids are at school, I have the list that dreams are made of and I’m going to get all the things. Heck, I will even have time to get everything home, unpacked, put away, and since I’m such a well-organized, put-together woman I’ll start prepping meals and get most of that taken care of for the whole week. Wow, I am something truly remarkable.
But then somehow I get distracted because things are shiny and suddenly it’s noon and I only have a couple hours before I have to start picking up kids. Hmm. That’s okay, I’ll just scale down my list with my handy dandy red pen and only get what I need for the next few days. No problem. I’m still totally with it!
Crap. Well it’s now 2 p.m. and I have to go get the kids. No problem. I’ll just run into the store and grab what I need for tonight’s dinner and get everything else tomorrow. Easy peasy. My kids will be eating a normal, healthy dinner tonight so really it’s no harm and nobody will even know.
But then the dog needed to go out and wouldn’t come back in and I couldn’t find my keys and if I don’t get to school right now I’ll be late so hey we can just all go after school, right? It’ll be a fun family adventure!
4 p.m. rolls around and the idea of bringing the kids into the grocery store terrifies me more than this upcoming election and I’d honestly rather be dead than take these two hungry, tired, starving people in there with me. I’ll just go when their dad gets home and grab a rotisserie chicken and some green beans. Voila. Tired, busy mom still manages to get real food on the table after avoiding responsibility of feeding family the entire day. Pat self on back.
6 p.m.- shut up and eat your macaroni, kids! You should be grateful we even have that. Besides, they’d just be complaining about the green beans anyway so really I saved myself time and money.
Tomorrow’s a new day.
I’m starting to think my grocery lists are really just a symbolic representation for my entire life.